Tonight I learned an exciting new crowd-control technique that I may find occasion to utilize in the future.

I was at the plasma center, having once again opted to exchange a percentage of my body fluids for cash—just because that’s so fun.

Donation is a fairly uneventful process, but tonight, as I was preparing to leave the center, a fellow donor came rushing through the door looking rather distressed. His right arm was completely covered in blood, and it was running down his forearm in little rivulets onto the floor, where it quickly began to pool in little red puddles. His jacket was a mess too.

Now, from my limited clinical experience, I have learned that when you remove a needle from a vein, like when you pull an IV, there’s always the possibility that profuse bleeding will result if pressure is not applied at the insertion site right after removing the needle. So you apply pressure for what you hope is long enough, and sometimes it IS long enough, and sometimes…a miniature geyser happens a few minutes after you take the pressure off. At which point, it’s always wise to reapply pressure. And get a mop to clean up the mess.

But apparently, this guy didn’t realize that the geyser thing is a possibility after needle removal. I think he might have thought he was dying (because, you know, bleeding all over, dripping on the floor, feeling woozy from fluid loss, getting horrified expressions everywhere you turn—I might think I was dying too…).

What was most remarkable to me, however, was that while the room full of people had been happily buzzing with conversation, with everyone involved in his or her own little universe, as soon as Bleeding Man entered, there was an instant hush, and all eyes were upon him. And all the facial expressions looked kinda like this:

Magical. I have rarely met an individual with such a commanding presence as Bleeding Man.

As the nurses bustled to get the guy sitting down before he passed out and plugged up before he bled to death, I headed towards the door...making a mental note to myself that if I were ever to need to very quickly get the attention of a very large group of people, the most effective way to do this would probably be to poke a hole in myself and then stand and bleed all over the floor in a conspicuous place with a very distraught look on my face.

I feel like this could be a very effective way to announce a toast at a dinner party. And thus, I shall keep this in mind. Maybe for the next wedding I’m asked to stand up in…because weddings should always be memorable...