Today I met a lady from Delaware. She told me so very proudly. She was a most fascinating little creature…one of those ladies who shamelessly wear Hawaiian-printed button-up shirts with mismatched socks and clashing shorts.

She caught my attention as I was walking briskly into Goodwill to drop off some of the clothing articles I’d purged from my closet last week.

“Ma’am…do you know where the closest Salvation Army is?” she asked, smiling a bright, perky, expectant-sort of smile.

I explained to her that I was a student, and that I wasn’t originally from the area either, but pointed her in the direction of some other thrift stores that I knew of, and turned her over to the helpful, happy Goodwill employees who gave her step-by-step directions to here, there, and everywhere else.

She thanked me profusely (I think she forgot that she got more help from the Goodwill ladies than she did from me), and gushed to me that she “just LOVES!” thrift shopping. (She must have been telling the truth, because dude, who drives from Delaware to hit up Goodwill and Salvation Army?!).

I nodded, and smiled, and told her that I hoped very much that she would enjoy herself at Salvation Army as much as she apparently had at Goodwill.

As we were walking across the parking lot towards our respective vehicles, she suddenly stopped short and said with some forcefulness,

“Good luck in school, too, honey! That’s right. You just keep studying. You don’t need to be dependent on some man. You can make it all by yourself!” She was jabbing one stubby forefinger emphatically in my direction as she smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

I was somewhat perplexed by her comment, and the way in which she said it, so I simply nodded, smiled, waved, and got into my car.

But then I had to wonder…is that really what people think? If I, as a woman, choose to pursue higher education, does that automatically mean I’m doing it because I’m a feminist who wants to be able to live my life without being “dependent” on a member of the opposite sex, or—horrors!—burdened with runny-nosed, noisy little kids who might potentially get in the way of me doing exactly as I please for as many days as God please to give me?

But then I thought a little further, and realized that probably, beneath that dazzling Hawaiian shirt, beats the heart of a woman who’s been deeply hurt by failed relationships…the heart of a woman who projects her own failure and pain onto those she meets. And suddenly, I could feel only compassion for the eccentric little prophetess as I thought about what her life might have been…and as I realized that perhaps she awakes each morning to find herself yet again in a world of shattered dreams and broken promises.

So am I studying nursing because I’m hoping to live a completely independent life, “making it” all by myself? To be honest, that sounds like a dreadfully depressing existence to me. As humans, we were created to live in relational community, regardless of our marital status, career track, or dietary preferences, and I can’t imagine trying to flounder through life without the network of godly mentors, peers, and family members that God has blessed me with.

But the Hawaiian-shirted prophetess was alluding to something deeper. She was unwittingly highlighting the fact that here in America, we place a ridiculous amount of importance on self-sufficiency and independence. Why is it that we attach such a negative stigma to the concept of being “dependent” upon someone else, or to having someone else be “dependent” upon us? We see dependency as a weakness…an admission of inadequacy and ineptitude.

What we perhaps fail to understand is that our willingness to lean on others—to be “dependent”—when done in the proper way, is actually a manifestation of strength. With each passing year, I have come to realize a little more fully that it takes a much greater strength of character to live in community, to maintain closeness, and to be intentionally dependent upon each other than it does to lead a life of freakish independence, coming and going as we please without regard for the feelings, schedules, or priorities of others.

I hope that the men and women of my generation will become more dependent as we mature...first that we’ll have the wisdom to depend heavily on God, and secondly, that we’ll develop the character to depend on—and be dependable for—each other.

And some day? I hope we have the maturity to see that there’s no better legacy to leave than to raise a passel of runny-nosed, noisy little kids (who will inevitably get in the way of us doing exactly as we please for the rest of our lives)…to nurture them and guide them and disciple them and plant a vision in their little minds…to do our very best and to hold nothing back in order to instill in the generation to come an uncompromising character and unstoppable determination.