In need of the Breath of Life

I went to the YMCA this morning after work to let off some steam, reasoning that it would be more productive to go there and work off the caffeine buzz pounding around the track than to go home to stare at the ceiling and toss and turn in a vain attempt to sleep through it. (Made sense at the time, anyway). I caught something weird out of the corner of my eye as I walked past the racquetball courts near the front door, and glancing down, I was somewhat taken aback when I realized that there were 15 half-clad legless humanoids littering the floor of one of the courts. These guys were in pretty rough shape, from the looks of them—no arms, no legs, eyes staring vacantly off into space, and mouths slightly open in an expression of oxygen-deprived misery.

Granted, they were all made of plastic and obviously faking the whole oxygen deprivation thing, but the solemnity of this scene of carnage still impressed each viewer with a certain sense of shock and impending doom. Apparently there was a CPR class to be held later that day, and these unfortunate legless Plastimen were there to be revived by eager students hoping to demonstrate the miraculous rejuvenating power of inhaling oxygen-depleted air combined with spit. I’m curious to see the results.