This morning I found a box outside my front door…with my name on it. I love it when that happens. It always feels like the beginning of a big mystery to me. Although, the mystery usually ends as soon as I open the box. Whatever.

Using my clever deductive reasoning skills, I gathered—from the return address—that this particular box came from my beloved family. Now, which family members, I still didn’t know. But at least, it was a start, because knowing the home of origin eliminated some billions of other possibilities—as well as decreasing the probability that the box contained explosive devices designed to help me meet my Maker sooner.

Inside the box, there was a letter, well, actually two of them…and a bunch of other stuff. The first letter, which was from my dad, opened as follows:

“Dear Darling Thea,
Mom says I can’t send candy, as you are more practical now and we need to send more practical stuff—don’t know what that has to do with it…”

I laughed. My dad has been sending me massive boxes of candy since I first left for college some three or four years ago. And not just space-filler candy—my dad is one of the best candy shoppers out there, and if he sends you something, it’s gonna be good. In fact, he was the one who single-handedly kept my entire hall supplied with Snickers candy bars during finals week of my first semester freshman year.

I could tell that he was somewhat disappointed that Mom felt I had outgrown the need for candy…I strongly suspect that he used to kind of get excited about the candy shopping thing more than he wants to admit. (I’ll admit that I was always pretty excited to be on the receiving end…it’s like…Christmas. Only you don’t know it coming. Awesome!)

So, partly to be funny, and partly to prove a point, and partly just because he’s random like that, my dad had put together a box of practical things for me. Made. My. Day.

The first thing I pulled out of the box was an MRE…which, I have to admit, is going to be highly practical at some point. Very, very practical. Plus, I’ve never actually HAD an MRE, so I’m pretty pumped about this opportunity to create a new life experience. (Score two for dad!)

The second thing that tumbled out onto my covers was a number of little boxes. Three of them were tea, and two of them were the same KIND of tea (I think this may be his way of telling me that I’m supposed to acquire an addiction for Sweet & Spicy Good Earth tea), and then, just for good measure, there was a box of hot cocoa mix. Whoa. Again, very, very practical. Not gonna lie, I was feeling pretty impressed by this point about my dad’s ability to pick out practical things. The third thing that fell out (and landed on my foot and tried to murder one of my toes) was a little jar of hand cream that I strongly suspect was my mom’s idea. Totally useful. I’m deeply grateful. And again, definitely practical. Good going, guys.

And the fourth and final thing was a little Ziploc bag on which my dad had written “Practical Stuff.” It was packed with gum, and a pen, and GermEx, and toothpaste, and Emergen-C packets, and cough drops, and…dried cranberries? I really laughed then, because I KNOW that that one was assembled just to prove a point to my mom.

And then it was time to go back and do second inspection...after all, what's actually in an MRE? And do I really want to know?

Yeah, you're right. I really don't want to know.

After all, anything that's wrapped in brown plastic and labeled "vegetarian" is sure to be healthy AND tasty, right? Of course right.

Thanks guys. You never cease to amaze me.